


Hot Soup. Hotter Waiter.

by WAKEMEUPwakemeupinsideCANTWAKEUPwakemeup



Series: WWE AU: normal dudes. sorta. [1]
Category: World Wrestling Entertainment
Genre: Joe - Freeform, John - Freeform, M/M, characters go by real name, colby - Freeform, cyrus is my friends oc, fergal, reads like an x reader but is lowkey my wwe oc, the reader is trans and a man if you dont want that you dont have to be here, trans OC
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-13
Updated: 2019-03-13
Packaged: 2019-11-16 14:13:49
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,337
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18095903
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WAKEMEUPwakemeupinsideCANTWAKEUPwakemeup/pseuds/WAKEMEUPwakemeupinsideCANTWAKEUPwakemeup
Summary: "You could pour soup in my lap and I'd probably apologize to you."Starts off with a soup debacle ends in a strange found family. You meet Fergal at a restaurant he is working at in probably the worst way possible but it leads to the best outcome.





	Hot Soup. Hotter Waiter.

**Author's Note:**

> heeeyy yall i am just a gay trans guy looking for some soft fics in a fandom that is apparently trying to rip everyones hearts out  
> i like angst but holy shit we could all use some fluff in every fandom right??? alright chill thats it thats all im here for alright have fun bye  
> also i specified in the tags that this is gay and trans if that aint your shit thats chilli man but dont talk to me about it just clicky outta my shit and go find yourself something you like  
> also the oc's name is luis but by all means use your own name and make this your own in any way you want

“Shit!” you exclaim as hot ass soup comes pouring right in your lap. “Ah fuck, I'm sorry!” you apologize as you grab a napkin. Yes, technically this wasn't your fault but the staff would now need to apologize and clean up for you and that is absolutely not what you wanted. You could handle some spilled soup in your lap, sure it burned, but the attention, all those eyes trying to take care of you, those eyes burned worse.

 

“I– wait why are you apologizing?” asks a waiter in a thick Irish accent.

At that you look up to a pair of blue eyes much closer than you were expecting. _Wow those are really pretty._ You think as you take in the view. If it weren't for your distress at being asked such a question you would have lingered in the gaze of this man.

 

“It's uh, I–I just mean I'm fine, you don't need to worry about me. I'm sure you're busy with serving I can clean myself up.” you explain, hoping that the admittedly cute waiter would accept this answer and leave you to it.

 

At this point all other concerned servers have left the scene leaving this one man to tend to you. Which, for the record, having a man this attractive leaning in towards you with such an attentive look in any other scenario would have been much less a problem. However, that wasn't the case so this was a problem.

 

“Are you sure? I can bring out a towel and–” _Nope, no gotta get out of this._

 

“No it's fine, I'll just head to the bathroom.” you say and quickly stand up leaving the waiter behind with the slightly soup stained chair you just vacated.

 

Those blue eyes follow you all the way to the restroom, dumbstruck and still laced with concern. You realize this when you get to the men's room and look back not meaning to meet his gaze but quickly yanking the door when you do.

 

You sing a little tune in your head. _Dining alone is so much fun_

_Especially when the hot waiter burns your lap._

Okay so that didn't rhyme. You'll workshop it.

 

In the bathroom you finally assess the damage. Your pants are essentially soaked. _Good thing I wore my black jeans today,_ you think and it's also a good thing that the soup was rather light not something dark that would surely stain embarrassingly. You unbutton your pants and stick a hand in to check your briefs. _Oh thank fuck,_ they're dry, mostly. You can live with the slight moisture and take your hand out to button your pants back. There's only one thing left to do. You turn the faucet on and throw some water on your crotch. It's cold and cools down your legs that were still burning slightly. Being that that is pretty much all you can do you turn on the hand dryer and lift a leg up onto the sink counter in an attempt to dry off as much as possible.

 

Of course, you do realize that this is a rather awkward position to be in in a public bathroom but you've suffered your quota of embarrassment for the day, anything else to come, well you'll be too tired to deal with.

 

In walks blue eyes Irish boy. _Yep that's about right._

 

“Well I guess I shouldn't have been that concerned. Seems like you're pretty good at cleaning up rookie waiter mistakes. Get soup dumped on you often?” He says and you do not miss the smirk he's harbouring, he's not exactly trying to hide his amusement.

 

He's leant up against the wall next to the door. The all black uniform making him stand out against the white tile and detailing the small waist and thick thighs. _This fucking dude coming in here for no reason._

 

“First time the rookie was this attractive.” You say, too tired for embarrassment remember? That means it's say whatever the fuck you want time.

 

“That so?” He says, smile so damn bright.

 

“Oh sure, last guy was alright but a little too cocky with his skills, didn't realize he was dealing with a pro lap soup catcher.” You reply, mouth quirking up into your own smile. You take your leg off the counter, crotch and thighs dry enough for comfort, and turn to face him head on while leaning against the sink counter.

 

“Hmm, so you are a pro, good tip for next time.”

 

“Next time? You planning on pouring soup in my lap again man?” You ask with a laugh.

 

“If it means the attractive customer can stutter about cleaning up my mistake again then hell yeah.” He responds very obviously looking you up and down. _Smooth fucker._

 

 _Wow what is this advanced flirting usually you don't get passed a ‘hello’, gotta keep it rolling now dude._ You say to yourself, lowkey patting yourself on the back for the clear successful flirt attempt that's eyeing you up right now in the restroom of his workplace. _Nice._

 

“If you wanna hear me stutter more why don't you just take me out?” You ask, bold as fuck. “I'll be fumble ordering food, asking for movie tickets, you name it I can make it awkward.” You state as if it is something to be proud of. And it just might be because cute Irish boy is laughing with the cutest high pitched giggle you've ever heard.

 

“Mm maybe I will, uum, I didn't catch your name?”

 

“Oh, it's Luís. And you must be…” you squint at his name tag, “Fergal, holy shit that's a cute name.” You try and whisper that last bit but it's not quiet enough.

 

“Yeah? It's kinda nerdy. Anyways Luís how much you think you'd be stuttering going to coffee with me?” He asks.

 

“Goddamn so much.” You simply reply.

 

“Great, it's a date.” Fergal says pulling out a pen and paper from his apron pocket. He writes his name and number down and hands it over to you. “Text me later, but one question. Is there something about bathrooms that give you some kinda bold bonus because _damn.”_ He finishes with a low whistle.

 

“People make me nervous man, this band can only play a one man crowd.” You say.

 

“Then I plan on being that crowd, see ya later.” Fergal turns slowly, eyes lingering on you as he leaves back to his job that he was probably away too long from. You look down at the number signed 'Fergal Devitt’ and pocket it into your almost dry pants. When you leave the bathroom and head back to your seat you notice it's been cleaned off. You pay the bill which you were about to do right before the soup debacle and leave, searching the restaurant real quick for those blue eyes again. You see them as he walks back towards the kitchen with a new order and he blows a kiss towards you. _Bastard, you ain't allowed to be that slick._ You think as you catch the kiss and pat your chest maybe a bit too dramatically for public. At this point you're past caring. Hot boy named Fergal is blowing a kiss at you, fuck yeah.

 

t h i s f i c i s s t u p i d b a n a n a s p o p t a r t s w a t e r i a m a n i d i o t

 

Later that night you pull out your phone and walk into the bathroom. If Fergal thinks it's a bold bonus zone maybe he's right, either way you don't really wanna risk losing something you don't even have.

 

 _BATHROOM POWERS! ACTIVATE!!_ You think with a lowkey fist pump which is totally not lame, thank you very much.

 

You type out a text: (make your own text if you want make this totally yourself im an idiot so)

 

“Hey Fergal it's me Luís so about coffeeeeeee… wanna get some?

 

He replies in what seems like two seconds:

 

“Hey man! Glad you texted and yeah I wanna get coffee! :D you free Sunday? I know that's not super close but my schedule is kinda tight >_< restaurant work am I right??? Anyways Sunday? 12:00??

 

_Holy Shit He Is A Dork What The Hell He Is Too Precious._

 

A smile forms on your face as you type out your response: (again make your own response if you want)

 

“Yeah that's chill works for me where at man?”

 

*bloop*

 

“HmmmmmmM I know some people who run a coffee shop ever heard of The Dog House?”

 

*zorp*

 

“Oh yeah sure I've seen it before never went in though so dog house sunday 12”

 

*chink

 

“Thaaaat's about it :) see you there!”

 

*shlorp*

 

“Looking forward to it Fergal”

 

You pocket your phone and leave the bathroom satisfied with the conversation. You had a date with a really cute dude who seemed chill and maybe even a little nerdy. _What kinda fucking jackpot is this man???_ Either way, Sunday could not have felt more far away.

 

_Today is Monday. Yike._

 

T U E S D A Y

 

_Paw Patrol Paw Patrol will be there on the DOUBLE_

_Whenever there's a problem round Adventure's BAY_

_Ryder and his team of pups will come and save the DAY_

_MARSHALL_

_RUBBLE_

_CHASE_

_ROCKY_

_ZUMA_

_SKYE_

_Yeah they're on the way!_

_Paw Patrol Paw Patrol whenever you're in trouble_

_Paw Patrol Paw Patrol we'll be there on the double_

_No job's too big no pup's too small_

_Paw Patrol we're on a roll_

_So here we go Paw Patrol_

_Whoa-oh-oh Paw Patrol_

_Whoa-oh-oh PAW PATROL!_

 

by the way you have a roommate named Cyrus they are currently crying into their cereal about how cute cats are: “ THEY HAVE TOE BEANS”

 

W E D N E S D A Y

 

*cronch*

_cereal is good_

_work bad_

_i dont wAnna WooooRk_

 

T H U R S D A Y

 

_Ice cream and BACON_

_bacon in ice cream?_

_hmmmmmm_

_yes_

_im weird will fergal even like me???_

_*_ devil appears* **nah bro what kinda heathen puts bacon on ice cream**

*angel appears*  a fucking genius thats who 

**you dont know what youre talking about bitch**

no youre the one whos fucked 

**you wanna fucking go**

ya lets fucking go post up bitch 

*meanwhile you put bacon on your ice cream and are ignoring both of them*

 

F R I D A Y

 

 _VACUUUM_ _TIME_

 

_🎶bounce 🎶_

_roooooooock skate_

_roooooooooll bounce_

_roooooooock skate_

_roooooooooll bounce_

_roooooooock skate_

_roooooooooll bounce_

_roooooooock skate_

_roooooooooll bounce_

_roooooooock skate_

_roooooooooll bounce_

_roooooooock skate_

_roooooooooll bounce_

 

S A T U R D A Y

 

*snooooore zzzzzzzzzzz zzz zzzzzz*

nap time

 

**_S U N D A Y_ **

 

You wake up at like 10 because why the fuck not I mean you're meeting Fergal at 12 you could've slept still if you wanted but alas it is being awake time for your internal clock.

 

You brush your teeth, shower, shave? idk what do you do in the morning?? do it.

 

You cook yourself a small breakfast and a much larger one for your roommate who despite being up for several hours more than you has not moved from their bed.

 

“Cyrus, not to compel you to move but I made you breakfast. If you don't want it now heat it up later, just don't eat it cold like last time!” You call in the general direction of Cyrus’ room.

 

Sure enough you see his head pop out the door and he slowly pushes his way out holding his teddy bear and wearing his crocs.

 

“Morning, sunshine. Did ya sleep okay?” You ask him.

 

“Mmm? Yea?” He says, he seems confused but that's not totally weird for him.

 

“Alright I will take that as a yes.” You respond.

 

“Why you dressed so fancy?” He asks, your normal attire of the morning would typically consist of some sweats, if you even bothered with pants that morning, and a tank top. Now you are dressed in nice jeans a band shirt and a leather jacket.

 

“Well, I kinda got a date.” You say. You probably should've told Cyrus before but it's just coffee, no big deal right?

 

“YOU HAVE A WHAT AND YOU DIDN'T TELL ME!” Cyrus yells, fully awake now and voice climbing several octaves. He was practically over the table now with a look of half amusement and betrayal.

 

“I would've but it's just coffee, I've spoken to him once in person and texted him? Hmmm a few times I guess?” You say trying to think over the past week. Cyrus sits back down and starts eating his breakfast.

 

“When did you meet him.” It wasn't so much a question as a demand for information. You supposed you had to comply.

 

“Sunday.”

 

“Where.”

 

“That restaurant I went to.”

 

“The one where that waiter spilt the soup on you?”

 

“...Yeaaaaah.”

 

“Yeaaah? Are you.. is it that guy? Are you going out with the man that spilled soup in your lap?”

 

You are kind of embarrassed fidgeting slightly in your seat.

“Yeah that's him.” Cyrus laughs so fucking hard.

 

“Yeah yeah I know! But he's cute and chill and he followed me into the bathroom just to talk to me. Wait fuck that sounds kinda creepy. It wasn't weird it was chill he gave me his number and I texted him later that day.” You explain.

 

“AHA aaah well that's chill I hope you have fuuun.” He says, finishing the last of his food and placing the plate in the sink still hugging his teddy bear to him.

 

“Are you gonna need the car today because if so I can walk, I think the place we are going isn't too far from here.” You say.

 

“Nah, I have accumulated lots of Papa Johns coupons and I intend to use as many possible. No need to leave the house when the food shall come to me. It's Pizza Day™.” Cyrus says while standing up and laying down on the couch. He flips on the TV where Spongebob is playing and leaves it, cuddling the teddy to his chest.

 

“Niiiice, well have fun, is Colby coming later?” You ask. Colby being Cyrus’ boyfriend.

 

“Mmmaybe, why wanna know if you can take your man back here to fuck?” He asks in a mumble while he closes his eyes. He's probably gonna fall asleep again.

 

“Jesus, no. I wouldn't fuck on the first date, you know I barely fuck period. Just would like to know what happens in the place of my living, dingle.” You wonder if he is even awake to have heard that.

 

“Yeah he'll probably be here, we gonna eat so much pizza.” Cyrus responds, _so he is still awake._

 

“Alright but if I'm not back yet no fucking on the couch, I swear if he tries to have sex on my couch again I will punch him in the dick, you tell him that.” You say, thinking back on the times Colby has tried it to which Cyrus, and you unfortunately, have had to interfere to get his lazy ass to move to the bedroom.

 

“Mhha okay. Good thing I don't gotta dick for you to punch, you don't even have a dick for you to punch.” Cyrus says in a really sleepy laugh.

 

“Yes that's very fortunate and either way I was only intending on punching Colbs.” You say smiling fondly at the man curled up on the couch. _Should probably let him sleep now._

 

You still have a bit of time before you have to leave so you sit down in your arm chair next to the couch and watch a few Spongebob episodes. You feel a bit nervous about the date but you weren't going to let yourself overthink so you just watched some good old classic Spongebob and grabbed a blanket for Cyrus who was still in his underwear.

 

_Time to depart._

 

You grabbed the car keys, your phone, and wallet, grabbed the pizza coupons and put them on the coffee table with a sticky note and some money. The sticky read: “Hey Colbs buy your man some pizza if he hasn't yet he deserves it also have fun don't die use protection etc.”

 

Checking the windows were locked, and giving a quick kiss to Cyrus’ forehead, you turned the lights off and leave the apartment.

 

The drive was short, just enough time for two and a half songs and a few cuss words under your breath at some other drivers lack of road etiquette, finally stopping in front of The Dog House. You find some street parking off to the side of the building.

 

It was a really cute coffee place in the middle of a chill town, in comparison to big cities the place would've looked barren all the time but amongst the small neighborhood, business was good.

 

You checked the clock, the time was 11:57 so you were slightly early, you looked in the side window to see if you could spot Fergal. _Hmm don’t see him._ That's chill, you thought, still early so you got out of the car to stop looking creepy and went inside.

 

You were greeted with great warmth and the smell of fresh baked goods and coffee. There’s a playlist on quietly with seemingly random songs. The interior was well on theme with the walls painted with dogs on them, there are shelves with little stuffed dogs and trinkets that looked like bones. It is really adorable honestly.

 

You looked around for a bit before a voice interrupts your appreciation.

 

“Yo, welcome to The Dog House. The name’s John but you can refer to me as the Street Dog.” A fairly handsome man greets. He's wearing a black tank top and jeans and a dog collar around his neck that does indeed say “Street Dog”. His hair is short and curly with rugged and soft features somehow. He pulls another man out from the back.

 

“This here is Joe, the Big Dog.” He continues his introduction by patting the big guy on the shoulder. This man is barely smaller than John with long black hair and a strong jaw. He’s dressed in a similarly casual way with a black t-shirt and jeans. He waves politely and his own collar jingles a bit with the title  “Big Dog”. John tips his head back through the door where he pulled Joe from.

 

“Hey, hey get out here!” John yells.

 

“Do you gotta do this every time?” The man in the back whines.

 

“Yes we need to be friendly with the customers. And put that collar on!” John yells.

 

A grumpy looking guy drags his feet out.

 

“Colby?” You are certain you know this person but ask anyways.

 

“Oh shit, sup.” Colby responds.

 

“So this is where you work. You never told me man.” You reply. Nice now you know where to go if this guy does need to get punched.

 

“Colby you have other friends!” John yells, you aren't really sure if it's delight or outrage.

 

“This is my boyfriend’s roommate.” He explains simple. _That's it. Just his boyfriend's roommate? Colby we've been through so much!_ This outrage requires expressing.

 

“The hell man, I'm just your boyfriend's roommate? I thought we were friends?” You ask, being a bit more dramatic than necessary. You see that there's no one else in, _weird,_ you think but whatever.

 

“Yeah sure but I gotta explain how, jeez man chill.” Colby responds. _What a little bitch. At least he's kinda nice._

 

“Well nice to meet you finally since I guess Colby didn't want to introduce us. What's your name?” Joe asks, elbowing Colby.

 

“I'm Luíz, nice to meet you, too.”

 

“What did I tell you about the collar!” John yells again at Colby.

 

“C'mon man I work in the kitchen why do I need to wear it when no one can see me?!” Colby whines.

 

“You need to wear it for when we greet customers you little shit, now hand it over!” John demands. Colby begrudgingly pulls the collar out of his pocket which John snatches rather quickly and chucks it at Joe. You are incredibly amused at their dynamic and you can easily tell they've known each other a while. You are gonna have to yell at Colby later for not introducing you.

 

The collar gets fastened in place by Joe and the little pendant hangs down reading, “Lap Dog”. You snort and let out a laugh.

 

“Shut up man.” Colby says covering the tag with his hand.

 

“Don't be embarrassed that you're a pampered little shit.” Colby scoffs and John ignores it.

“Anyways I am assuming you are here to consume awesome stuff, not just stand in the doorway so what can I do for you man?”

 

“Oh actually I'm meeting someone here, I'll wait till he gets here to order.” You say. You just now realize that, yes, you were just standing in the doorway and you move out of it to go sit at one of the tables.

 

“Meeting someone? Didn't know you knew anyone other than Cyrus.” Colby says having headed back to the kitchen already and talking to you through the small window.

 

“Well you were mistaken. Okay maybe not totally I just met this guy.” You say honestly.

 

“OOOOOOH IS THIS A DATE?” John asks with a huge smirk.

 

“Lay off him John.” Joe says, but fondly wraps his arm around John's shoulders while he leans his head in and nuzzles Joe's neck.

 

“Well, he's not wrong it _is_ a date.” You say while playing with the zipper of your jacket.

 

“Nice!” John yells while jumping over the counter, despite the door being right next to him, and holds out his fist for a fist bump which you do.

 

You check the clock again, it's 12:07. It's not that late but you hope he shows up soon.

 

“So what's this guy's name? If he told you to meet here we've probably seen him before.” John asks. He seems like the most talkative of the group, Joe being the least. He's nice and usually you'd be nervous about being questioned like this but this guy sort of keeps you calm. Sort of makes no sense since he's a little spazzy but whatever.

 

“His name's Fergal.” You reply.

 

“Ah Fergie! Damn you bagged that hot piece of ass?! This calls for another fist bump man!” John is over to you in like two seconds. You laugh at his antics.

 

“You've been here a bit what time did you guys say to meet.” Joe asks, he looks a little concerned for you. The gesture is very sweet but makes you a bit nervous.

 

“At twelve but I mean it hasn't been that long.” You answer hoping not to sound too worried about it.

 

“WHAT! BULL SHIT HE SHOULD BE HERE BY NOW! IT’S BEEN” He looks at the clock on the wall, “EIGHT WHOLE MINUTES! COLBY GET ON THE PHONE!” John screams. Now you can definitely tell that's outrage.

 

“Can you do it, I'm a little busy providing food so we can make money.” Colby deadpans.

 

“Get of your owner's lap man there's no one even here except this hot dude that Fergal WILL be here in the next four seconds for or I WILL destroy him!” John says getting amped up as he starts pacing around.

 

“Calm down babe, it's fine I'll call him.” Joe says grabbing John by a shoulder and soothingly rubbing his back.

 

Normally this kind of involved treatment would send you running out like it did the day you met Fergal but somehow you aren't feeling anxious, you feel adoration almost. These people have such a caring energy about them, you realize that they aren't trying to help out of pity or obligation but because they really truly care. It feels nice.

 

“Hey Ferg, where are you man?” John reaches over to a phone behind the counter that's plugged into an aux. Suddenly the music has changed and is much louder. It's “Fergalicious”. John gestures to have the phone handed to him.

 

“Hey John wants to talk.” Joe simply says and hands it over.

 

“Hey man where the hell you at? I got your theme song playing and a hot guy sitting in my place man. If you don't come down here I think I might take him for Joe and I man.” He says looking straight at you fully aware you can totally hear him. _Damn._ If you weren't waiting for some other guy you would've accepted that offer in a second. Just being real, John and Joe are hot as fuck.

 

John is silent for a bit, presumably hearing the cause of Fergal's tardiness.

 

“Alright, alright I'll give you the pass for that one give me a sec” he pulls the phone away from his ear and looks up at you, “You eat yet man?” He asks.

 

“I did this morning but I ate a little less than usual.” You say.

 

“Bro I'm serving your man without you, it's punishment for being late, I swear if you do not walk in when the line 'Hit it Fergie’ is said, we are disowning you, you have a minute and forty six seconds.” *boop* John hangs up. And… picks up a rag and starts wiping down the counter…. _Mm uh John?_

 

“John?” Joe says.

 

“Yeah? Oh! Shit right! He said one of his housemate, Karl's, car broke down on the way home and he was the only one not in work so he had to help the guy out. Not to worry it's all handled and he will be here in…” John goes to check the music phone, “seventy five seconds.”

 

“Alright, I'm glad he's alright.” ... _and not blowing me off._ Well now that that's figured out you get up to get some food, you actually are pretty hungry.

 

Colby walks out from behind the kitchen already holding a plate of something he's made around your apartment, french toast sticks. _Colby your scolding has been lessened… slightly._

 

“Figured you'd want these, you always eat more than me and Cyrus combined.” He says simply holding them out to you.

 

“Goddamn I missed these.” You say grabbing the plate and not even bothering sitting back down before grabbing one and dipping it in syrup.

 

“I was at your place two days ago with these???” Colby says.

 

“Shhh I don't care how long ago it was. It has been too long.” You eat for a bit listening to the music and the random conversation of the three owners of the place. You tune back into the song and realize.. it's kinda close to the line. In fact–

 

“HIT IT FERGIE!” John yells while pointing to the door and sure enough Fergal is running at top speed yanking the door open.

 

“ALL THE TIME I TURN AROUND BROTHERS GATHER ROUND LOOKING AT ME UP AND DOWN LOOKING AT MY *WHEEZE*” Fergal sings while doing a highkey choreographed dance. [IMAGINE FINN DOING WHATEVER YOU WANT] _So… he just fucking did that._ He bends over hands on knees trying to catch his breath.

“I *huff huff* I am here. *huff* I'm so sorry, I'm late.”

 

_Oh jeez he needs to be put out of his misery._

 

“It's okay, you didn't mean to… and that dance made up for it… a little bit.” You say averting your gaze. _It was fucking adorable._

 

“So you liked that, huh?” Fergal asks, waay too cocky.

 

“Ew.” You hear Colby say from behind the counter.

 

You, Fergal, Joe, and John simultaneously go, “Shut up, Colby.”

 

“Jeez fucking fine.” He says flipping everyone off as he walks back into the kitchen.

“ONLY MY COOKING UTENSILS ARE MY FRIENDS!”

 

You see Joe shake his head out of the corner of your eye. You have a feeling that exact scene happens often between them. You finally take in Fergal from your spot against the counter. He's wearing gray shorts and a black shirt, pretty casual but still looking way too good to be fair. He really is a gorgeous man. But wait...

 

You turn back to Fergal, you need answers.

“Hey Fergal?”

 

“Yeah?” He says.

 

“How did you time that exactly right?” This is the most important question you think you've ever asked.

 

“John has had me do this so many times I just started setting a timer with the amount of time left. You don't wanna know how reckless I begin driving when that happens.” He states sort of proudly.

 

“That's amazing.” You respond, you can't think of anything else to say, it's just amazing, that’s it.

 

“Oh yeah also, your guys’ sign says closed.” Fergal mentions

 

“Goddamn John!” “Oh John…” Come Colby and Joe's respective comments.

 

“Fuck! My bad guys, sorry. Fucking Sorry Colby!” John says at Colby's continued frustration.

 

“It's alright, Colby chill, not many people come in on Sundays anyway, it's nice to have a day off.” Joe says while he reassuringly hugs John into his chest.

 

“Okay sorry John, it's not your fault,  it's just what the hell am I supposed to do with all this fucking food I made?” Colby asks gesturing down to where you can't see but can only assume is indeed a bunch of fucking food.

 

“We eat it.” John says opening the door and pushing Colby out of the way and coming back with two tray fulls of cookies and cakes and other amazing, glorious carbs.

 

“Shit wait, I'm gonna have eaten so much today.” You say thinking about all those pizza coupons while you stare blankly into space. It appears everyone notices your lowkey disassociation and Fergal taps you on the shoulder to bring you back.

 

“Hey, you okay?” He asks, slightly concerned.

 

“Yeah, yeah I'm good, I was just thinking, well my roommate has Pizza Day™ every month or so where he gets a shit ton of Papa Johns coupons and buys everything possible. And this…” you look down at the full ass trays assuming there's probably more, “that's a lot of food.” You say, blank staring again.

 

“Today. Is. Pizza. Day™. Fuck.” Colby says bringing his hands together in front of his mouth. His look is similar to yours but a bit more distress.

 

“IT'S PIZZA DAY, COLBY CALL YOUR BOY HERE I'M GONNA FUCKING EAT.” John says, running back to his phone to call Cyrus himself despite just asking Colby to.

 

Joe whispers something to Fergal, who nods, and walks back behind the counter to join Colby and Joe.

 

It's just you two seated at the table now, Fergal looks at you, huge smile and red face all focused on you.

 

“Aaah they are a bit crazy, I guess this isn't the most normal first date, sorry about that.” He says, rubbing a hand through his hair.

 

“No, no this is great seriously.” You look back at the three behind the counter passing the phone between each other but more so fighting over it.

“I'm glad I finally got to meet them, I already knew Colby, I'm sure you picked up on this but yeah he's dating my roommate.”

 

“Cyrus right?” He asks.

 

“Yeah, he's a great guy, somehow a crazy puppy and a really sleepy cat all at the same time.” Your smile widens thinking about that crazy guy back at home and you wonder if he's still asleep.

 

“How’d you two meet?” He asks. _Ah the normal questions now it feels like a date._ You think, not that all the lead up was bad, in fact, this had been so fucking fun.

 

“College, I'm a few years older than him but we were in the same year, we met in the library.” You answer.

 

“Ah that's awesome. What were your majors?” He asks. You know that technically these were the “bland” questions but the way the Fergal is facing you and leaning in with his head propped on his hand to lean in closer, you know you have his full attention.

 

“I was a mathematics major before I dropped out to do trade school and Cyrus did justice studies. He's a really great lawyer.” You respond.

 

“Wow, what did you study in trade school?” Fergal asks.

 

“Auto mechanics. I'm a car mechanic.” You answer.

 

“Oh really? I wish I knew that when Karl's car just decided to stop in the middle of his commute.” Fergal says while dragging his hand over his face. His eyes widen a bit in a sort of realization.

“Not that I would only use you for that! I–I mean it would be helpful but just hanging out is nice and. Ah fuck.”

 

You laugh behind your hand at his ramblings.

 

“Yeah I understand.” You smile reassuringly.

 

“Good.” Fergal simply says.

 

For a moment you both just look at each other taking in each other. It's not awkward or uncomfortable, it's simple eye contact and warm smiles that make you forget anyone else was even in the building. Well that was sure to come to an end.

 

John slides up to the table not looking at either of you but rather eyeing the food that Fergal and you have been picking at during the conversation.

 

“I'm just gonna sneak this.” John says as he takes back one of the trays and grabs two cookies at once and shoves in his mouth.”

 

“Continue, don't let me interrupt.” He says after a hard swallow before Joe comes by to collect him and drag him back over to the counter.

 

You and Fergal regain that eye contact but just end up laughing when another outburst occurs.

 

“I'M HERE!” Out from the door busts Cyrus holding three pizza boxes followed by Colby with boxes of breadsticks and wings.

 

Cyrus is still dressed in his pajama shirt and crocs but it looks like he managed to put some pants on. You might have judged but there was a few problems with that. 1. You would be dressed like that right now if you weren't on a date. 2. Cyrus is an adult who worked hard as fuck to get to be making lawyer money he can wear whatever the fuck he wants now. 3. Crocs are great fuck you.

 

Cyrus sets the pizzas down and launches himself at you for a hug almost knocking you both backwards off the chair. He sits in your lap straddling you to regain balance.

 

“Hello.” Cyrus says. He turns his head over his shoulder and looks at Fergal.

“He's hot.”

 

“Thanks.” Fergal says with full sincerity.

 

“And an accent?! Fuck, Colbs step your game up.” Cyrus says as he dismounts from your lap.

 

“Wow, I love you too.” Colby says. If sarcasm was an accent, Colby's would be thick as fuck. Cyrus blows him a kiss with his middle finger as response.

 

You eye the pizza now and you've admittedly eaten a lot already the tray being only about half full now but, I mean, it's pizza what are you gonna do not eat it? _That would just be a crime and Cyrus would throw me in jail. He is The Law™._

 

The “regular date” consisting of getting to know each other through conversation was, again, postponed in favor of eating a shit ton and fucking around with friends. Who cared about “regular dates” anyways though right?

 

The conversation was chill mostly about work horror stories, that good old customer service bull shit, Fergal's roommates, Karl, Luke, and AJ and the fact that he has a pet frog that he's allergic to, and random interjections of Cyrus talking about Winnie the Pooh or Transformers.

 

The whole time Fergal is glancing at you and smiling when he sees you laugh. He leans in when you talk and his gaze almost never leaves your face. It seems he is completely enraptured in you and you can't help but feel the same about him.

 

At one particular Cyrus tangent where he just starts singing “The Best Day Ever” from Spongebob, Fergal leans over to almost whisper to you.

 

“Hey I know we already covered that this isn't the most normal date, but if you want to go somewhere more private we can.” He says looking a little nervous.

 

It's sweet and you grab his hand from under the table. You whisper back.

“I'm having a great time here, I have a feeling that we'll be around these guys a lot anyways. To be honest I don't mind that so much.” You glance at the others around the table and bring your gaze back to Fergal and smile.

 

“I suppose you're right, but I don't mind either.” He says squeezing your hand.

 

“Yo, lovebirds can ya stop eye fucking, I'm trying to eat.” Colby says, pizza in hand.

 

“Colby.” Joe says in a scolding tone.

 

“Yeah not like you're innocent! You've got your hand on the inside of Cyrus’ thigh this whole time.” John says pointing at him accusingly.

 

Cyrus just laughs at his boyfriend's expense as Colby turns red.

 

“Oh fuck off.” Colby says turning his head away, but not moving his hand from Cyrus. Cyrus pokes him in the cheek like he always does when Colby pouts.

 

Suddenly you feel Fergal's hand move linking your fingers together and bringing your palms closer together.

 

“Is this okay?” He asks, the slightest bit of apprehension in his voice.

 

You look down at your hands together and smile.

 

“It's great.” And it really is. It feels… nice. That sounds like an underwhelming adjective but nice is what you want, what you need.

 

Somehow the pizza AND the trays of desserts run out and everyone is just about dead.

 

Cyrus is laying on the floor face down in a dog bed provided for actual dogs that people bring in.

John is similarly laying face down but on the ordering counter that he promised Joe he would clean after he got up.

Colby has been non-stop groaning and clutching his stomach.

You have the side of your face against the table ready to fall asleep.

Fergal is up doing jumping jacks apparently trying to work off all that food. You can't comprehend doing such a thing so you just watch the spot on his waist where the shirt keeps riding up.

Joe is fine and has started doing his normal work regarding the business.

 

Fergal finishes up and sits back down, barely even having broken a sweat. _Goddamnit. That shouldn't be allowed._ You still haven't even lifted your head up but ehh.

 

“Do you do that every time you eat carbs?” You ask from down on the table.

 

“I don't really eat carbs, actually.” Fergal states.

 

“That makes me sad.” You reply honestly.

 

Fergal pulls his phone out of his pocket and scrolls through a bit before turning the screen towards you.

 

“This is a picture of the last time I ate pizza before I stopped.” He says.

 

“Stooop you're gonna make me cry.” You say hiding your face in your arms after looking at the photo.

 

“I forgot how good it was, I might not be able to go back now.” Fergal responds.

 

“Good. Don't. The joy of food is too good to constrict. Not like you even need to jesus your goddamn abs scare me.” You say turning your head back to lowkey (meaning extremely highkey) stare at his torso.

 

Fergal's pale face turns red under the gaze and you lift your head back up to meet his eyes. He looks so open and vulnerable to the point where your thirst is replaced with adoration.

 

Fergal reaches to your hands and pulls you out of the seat to stand in front of him. His hands hover somewhat awkwardly around you unsure if he's allowed.

 

“Can I… can I kiss you?” Fergal asks in a soft voice.

 

You simply nod unable to speak. You step in closer, noticing just now the slight height difference. It's only a few inches but you still lean down a bit and Fergal has to tilt his head up. He's wrapped an arm around your neck the other on your back while you have him by the waist. The kiss is soft, only lasting a few seconds but so sweet. You pull away and take a baby step back. You don't want to overdo it, it still is a first date.

 

“That was hot.” Cyrus says, face lifted by the edge of the dog bed. He turns his phone toward the two of you showing a picture of that kiss.

“I am keeping this and there's nothing you can do to stop me. Also Colby looks like a derp in the back of it and it's fucking hilarious.”

 

“What! Cyrus delete that!” Colby yells and is up in a second moving over to Cyrus.

 

“No fuck you!” He responds and shoves his phone in his pants.

 

“Oh you think I'm afraid to go in there?” Colby launches himself over Cyrus to lowkey wrestle that ended up them just cuddling on the floor. You're pretty sure the phone is still in his pants.

 

“Their relationship confuses me.” Fergal states honestly.

 

“It confuses everyone, as long as Colby doesn't hurt my boy I'm good.” You say.

 

“You care about him a lot, huh?” He asks, tone not jealous but fond rather.

 

“Yeah, he's important to me.” You looks back at him but lowkey regret because he is currently straddling Colby.

 

“Hey! No fucking on the dog bed!” John shouts, rolling off the counter.

 

“Jesus Colby, we just washed that. Cyrus get off him.” Joe says looking up from his documents he has spread out.

 

You leave the four of them to work it out and sit back down turning your attention back to Fergal who has also sat down and is smiling that beautiful smile.

 

“Hey. I have a secret.” Fergal says pulling you in a little bit.

 

“What?” You ask, waiting for his response.

 

“In the restaurant, I came up to you on purpose. I wanted to talk to you but then I ended up tripping.” Fergal is smiling but his gaze is down in embarrassment.

 

“Wow… I'm glad to know you aren't always so smooth. I was feeling a little outclassed.” You say which makes him lift his head back up to see you smiling so wide.

 

“You’re joking.” Fergal says. You shake your head. “Are you serious? I catch a man drying his dick and he tells me to take him out! Fuck I thought I'd died!” Fergal says, catching his head in his hands.

 

“Yeah except I don't got a dick.” You say casually. _Wait. Fuck!_ You are so used to saying things like that around Cyrus and Colby you forget that Fergal doesn't know you're trans. Shit.

 

“You’re trans?” Fergal asks. You slowly nod your head. “Does that mean I'm the default top?” He asks looking slightly hopeful.

 

You laugh so goddamn hard.

 

“Hell no, I am sorry but you will never be default top unless it's to Colby.” You say through your laughter.

 

“What the hell!” You hear Colby yell from across the room. The Colby currently being spooned by a sleeping Cyrus.

 

“You know it's true shut the fuck up you bottom bitch.” John says from his spot draped over Joe.

 

“Fucking what about you and _your_ goddamn bottom energy right now!” Colby answers back.

 

“Have you _seen_ this man!” John says gesturing to Joe's whole being. “You can't top this!”

 

“He's right, the tops here are Joe, *GUESS WHAT THE READER'S A TOP*, and me obviously.” Cyrus says, apparently awake.

 

“Yup, sorry Fergie welcome to the club.” John says with finger guns.

 

“Jesus I don't even fuck much.” You say mostly under your breath.

 

Apparently everyone did hear that, and everyone laughed.

 

You look back over to Fergal who takes your hand again, rubbing his thumb into your skin.

 

You suddenly find yourself amongst a weird, crazy, hilariously fun family and hopefully a new person to share it all with. This is apparently what happens when you apologize for getting soup poured in your lap.

**Author's Note:**

> this is so goddamn cheesy but i was having a lowkey having a hard time tryna find fics that werent angsty and also not smutty those are great but my heart can only take so much pain and thirst anyways i hope you enjoyed


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